How I love this group of friends. Everyone in the group is sincere and kind and lovely and pure. I can just be myself when I stay with them. This is so happy. Such a physically tired but happy weekend, with a full stomach. they arent goin to read my xanga i think, and nvm, i m just so happy with them :) -------------------- peaceful days and nice evening :D might be a bit lost, but dont misunderstand and think i m unhappy.. i just cant feel happiness, perhaps just for the moment... maybe too much happenings these days, and pressure too.. most importantly, i might be giving up what i wanna do, it might kills me silently and makes me a living dead? even when i m breathing and living, whats the meaning of that if i have no dream, or is giving up my dream becos i m not gonna realize it? then i just know how to eat and breathe and sleep and operate like a nice machine? and in the end everyone dies, what we are trying so hard to get now for sure we are gonna lose them, might be sooner than we know, gripping hard with a fist u have nothing, opening your palm and u embrace everything..... started reading the bk "alchemist", talking abt dreams.... i dunno abt dreams, cos the word "dreams" sounds unrealistic and far-fetched... and dont really like to use it to describe what i want, but i just think, i wouldnt want to live just for living's sake, what i m thinking in my head is important, I think therefore I am, I just aint existing if i m alive without thinking, and u cant call that alive right.... of course if u ask me what is it that i want? i would say i just wanna live..... but living is more than just able to physically survive, its both spitually and physically i hope i wont suffocate and die, with very little motivation to go on living..... if i m gonna give up my search for meaning....might just as well is killing myself silently and slowly.... well not without good point, thats its a way to die without pain what m i to do? hope re-reading this entry while i m close to the edge is gonna remind me, and keep me from dying when i m really really on the very edge one day --------------------------- love my pets | 
